Why Am I Awake?
I should be in bed, but I thought I'd accomplish one more thing that I've been meaning to do for a while. This week marked the end of my 7th week as a graduate student. It's seemed like so much longer than seven weeks. I've read more during this time than in any year of my undergrad, if not more. There's been a lot of good stuff to read … and then there's been Foucault. This short time has provided some of the most challenging moments of my life – and I say so without hyperbole. It's hard. If only it was the academic part that was the most challenging. Don't get me wrong, it's not undergrad work, but it still pales in comparison to the difficulty of deconstructing yourself – determining how you interact with people, think of yourself, think of others, and think of God. It is very challenging to look into your own heart looking for the brokenness and darkness … and to sit with it, hold it, and offer it to others around you. When you are laid bare before yourself and others, there is nothing behind which to hide. You see how little you love, how poor your faith is, and how you lack true hope. And you sit there humbled. But you're not alone – it would be a hell if this were not the case. These seven weeks have been but the start of a very painful, yet good, process.
I'm very much looking forward to this coming week – Reading Week. An undergrad fall break is replaced in grad school (at least this one) with a week to allow you to catch up on reading, work on term papers, and to read ahead (Lord willing) for the later half of the term. Into this whole mix I'm throwing a birthday party attendance, going to hear a top-notch theologian named Jürgen Moltmann speak, bilateral knee surgery (yep, both knees), going to hear Tony Campolo speak, and an apple picking adventure. Those are in order, so the attendance at the events after the knee surgery is questionable.